Jak II Stuff that Wasn't Supposed to be on Tape!
by Krimzon Guard Chelsea
Summary: [Jak II 'fic] [May contain spoilers] This is the stuff in Jak II that wasn't supposed to be caught on tape, but was... Namely, bloopers! Rated PG-13 for crude humor and some light cursing.
1. Senility, Perversion and Loudsilence!

Stuff in "Jak II" that Wasn't Supposed to be Caught on Tape, but Was! By Pokémaniac Chelsea/Krimzon Guard Chelsea... No duh. o.o  
  
+ This is just some stupid little thing I was making up with my brother while he was playing one of my favorite games, "Jak II". Yes, it uses the directors' *REAL* names in here, so please don't report me like some dude did LAST time. *Shifty eyes* I mean, I know some 'fics that have THEIR director's names in it, so it would be okay to have mine in there too, aye? Good! Glad you understand. This story contains SPOILERS if it goes on for a long time...so...um beware. I hope this is funny and brightens your day or something...  
  
+ And I am using the script and characters without any permission, so er...yeah!  
  
* * *  
  
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE ONE))  
  
[ The camera fades-in to a black screen. You can hear SAMOS' voice-over. ]  
  
SAMOS: For every age, there is a time of trial.  
  
(A "SONY ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS" sign comes up and then fades away)  
  
SAMOS: The rocks faced such a fire before they were the strength beneath our feet.  
  
(A "GAME BY NAUGHTY DOG" sign pops up and then fades away)  
  
SAMOS: The plants braved vast winds before their roots could give us life.  
  
(A "JAK II" sign pops up and then fades away.)  
  
SAMOS: As a sage of considerable years, I have known only one such great ordeal. Yet the hero it created was a champion of all time.  
  
(The camera now gets a scene of Sandover Village, with KEIRA, KID JAK, DAXTER and SAMOS in some kind of vehicle, sitting in front of a Precursor Ring)  
  
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared...for whatever um...er... Hey, what was my line again?  
  
(Everyone on stage laughs, except for JAK, who seems to be a mute)  
  
[ We now see a picture of Evan Wells and Daniel Arey, directors for the original "Jak & Daxter". ]  
  
WELLS: Come on, SAMOS! We went through this ONE BILLION times during the rehearsal!  
  
AREY: What's wrong?  
  
WELLS: I think SAMOS' head got a little moldy with that freakin' log on top of it.  
  
SAMOS: Ummm...  
  
WELLS: Your line is, "I hope you are prepared, for whatever happens!"  
  
SAMOS: Oh! I'm sorry, my lad. I'm just a little rusty!  
  
WELLS: *Mumbles: "I can tell."*  
  
AREY: Aw, come on! Give the guy a break! Take two!  
  
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE TWO)  
  
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared, for...UHHHHH!?! Hey, what am I talking about again?  
  
(WELLS slaps his head so hard, he stumbles backwards)  
  
AREY: "Whatever happens"?  
  
SAMOS: Ah, that's it!  
  
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE THIRTEEN))  
  
SAMOS: Today's the big day, ZACH!  
  
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE TWENTY-ONE))  
  
SAMOS: Today's the big night, JAK!  
  
WELLS: ...  
  
SAMOS: Actually, that reminds me of a rhyme! One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fi--  
  
((THE PRECURSOR RING: TAKE FORTY-FIVE))  
  
SAMOS: Today's the big day, JAK! I hope you are prepared...  
  
(WELLS sighs, getting ready to cut)  
  
SAMOS: ...for whatever reason!  
  
WELLS: Phew!  
  
KEIRA: I think I figured out most of this machine. It interacts somehow...  
  
(KEIRA pats the machine's hull)  
  
KEIRA: ...with that large Precursor Ring. I just hope we didn't break anything--  
  
(The machine suddenly rumbles and then collapses on the ground)  
  
DAXTER: Uhhh, was that supposed to happen?  
  
WELLS: NAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!  
  
AREY: So close, but yet so far away! Let's just...go on to the next scene...yeah!  
  
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((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE ONE))  
  
[ The camera opens up to a gray laboratory of some sort. ADULT JAK is now seen being tortured and electrocuted by a ray gun or something. He has now acquired yellow-green slicked-back hair and a goatee. ]  
  
JAK: AAAGH NNNNGH ARGH!!!  
  
(JAK falls unconscious)  
  
COMPUTER: Dark Eco injection cycle complete. Bio readings nominal and unchanged.  
  
PRAXIS: Hmmph! Nothing! I was informed that this one might be different!  
  
EROL: He is surprisingly resistant to your "experiments", Baron Praxis! I fear the Dark Warrior program has failed.  
  
PRAXIS: Argh!  
  
(PRAXIS grabs JAK's head)  
  
PRAXIS: You should at least be dead with all the Dark Eco I've "pumped" into you!  
  
(PRAXIS' eyebrows go up and down)  
  
JAK: Uhhh!?  
  
WELLS: CUT!! PRAXIS, stop acting like a pervert!  
  
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE FOUR))  
  
EROL: What now? Metal Head armies are pressing their attacks! Without a new weapon, my men cannot hold them off forever!  
  
PRAXIS: I will not be remembered as the man who lost this city to those vile creatures! Move forward with the final plan! And "finish" off this THING tonight!  
  
(PRAXIS makes a flirtatious face at JAK and grins at EROL. WELLS stands up)  
  
WELLS: PRAXIS!!!!!!!!!  
  
PRAXIS: Sorry, I couldn't resist!  
  
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE NINE))  
  
AREY: And action!  
  
(The directors' snappy-thing breaks)  
  
AREY: Oops.  
  
EROL: As you wish.  
  
(EROL puts his face up near JAK'S, so their faces almost touch)  
  
EROL: I'll be back later.  
  
(EROL smiles)  
  
JAK: Ew, that's just wrong.  
  
(PRAXIS walks up from behind the scene)  
  
PRAXIS: Nice job!  
  
(PRAXIS high fives EROL)  
  
JAK: For the love of Mar. Please. Stop. You guys need a--  
  
(STAGE CREW DUDE bleeps out JAK's next word)  
  
JAK: --ing room!  
  
WELLS: CUT!  
  
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE FIFTEEN))  
  
[ Everyone is gone from the room, except for JAK, who is still strapped to the chair. DAXTER is seen riding up an elevator to JAK's chair. ]  
  
DAXTER: Hmmm... Ding ding! Third floor! Body chains --  
  
JAK: That's it, I'm getting the HELL out of here!  
  
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE THIRTY-THREE))  
  
[ DAXTER is now seen on top of JAK'S body after he had found him. JAK is still strapped in the chair. ]  
  
DAXTER: Hey buddy, seen any heroes around here?  
  
(DAXTER is shocked by JAK's look)  
  
DAXTER: Woah, what happened to you? JAK! It's me, DAXTER!  
  
(JAK takes a look at DAXTER, but flinches)  
  
DAXTER: Well, that's a fine hello! I've been crawling around this place, risking my tail...literally...to save you! I've been looking for you for two years! Say something! Just this once!!  
  
JAK: I'm gonna kill PRAXIS!  
  
DAXTER: Shhhh! Right now, we got to get you outta here! Just let me figure how to open up the security locks for your chair so...  
  
(JAK screams)  
  
JAK: AAAAAAAAAAAGH!  
  
(JAK glows, and changes, then a demon form takes his place)  
  
INUYASHA: Ta da!!  
  
DAXTER: HUH?!  
  
(The whole cast and crew starts laughing)  
  
INUYASHA: Ha ha ha!!  
  
WELLS: CUT!  
  
((BARON PRAXIS' LAB THING: TAKE SEVENTY-TWO))  
  
[ JAK is seen, still strapped in the chair. ]  
  
EROL: ...I'll be back later.  
  
WELLS: CUT! Good job, guys! That's enough for today!  
  
AREY: See you guys tomorrow!  
  
JAK: Uh, hello?!  
  
(EROL, PRAXIS, and everyone else leave the set. The stage crew dude turns off all the lights and equipment.)  
  
JAK: Ummm, GUYS?!  
  
(The door slams shut, flooding the door with pitch-blackness)  
  
JAK: Hey! What about me?! I'm still strapped in this chair! DAXTER? PRAXIS?! EROL?! COMPUTER?!! Anyone?!  
  
(JAK sniffs sadly)  
  
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((PROTECTING KOR AND SOME STUPID KID: TAKE ONE))  
  
[ We see JAK and DAXTER stumbling around in some old slums. They bump into a white-haired dude with funky hair and a little boy with green hair. ]  
  
KOR: Hello strangers, my name is Kor. May I help...  
  
JAK: You look like a reasonably smart man. I want information! Where the HELL am I?  
  
BOY: I know! Pick me!  
  
WELLS: CUT!! LITTLE BOY, you are not supposed to talk! Your voice sounds God-awful!  
  
BOY: You know what? That's what I hate about his stupid game! I NEVER talk! I'm a waste of freakin' data because all I do is stand around and look stupid! Why can't I have a line? There's no point of me because I don't do ANYTHING!  
  
JAK: Don't worry, LITTLE BOY. I feel your pain. In the original game, I couldn't even grunt when I died.  
  
BOY: Yes, SAME! Look at all the Krimzon guards about to come and butcher me alive, and all I can do is smile like a freaky little clown!  
  
(Two KRIMZON GUARDS walk up)  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Well, at least you actually don't have to say the same thing over and over again!  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #2: Yeah, like, "He's headed into Sector [Insert Number Here]" and stupid things like, "I'm hit!"  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Yeah! No duh you're hit! If you just fell dead, I think something must've hit you!  
  
JAK: I think there should be a strike! Where are those blimey writers? I'm gonna kill them!  
  
WELLS: CUT!  
  
((PROTECT KOR AND SOME STUPID KID: TAKE TWO))  
  
[ JAK, BOY, and the two KRIMZON GUARDS are seen holding up posters/signs and marching around in a circle. ]  
  
JAK: "Workers of the Word, Unite!"  
  
BOY: "Adjectives Bring Your Ancestors Back from the Dead!" Wait, who translated this poster?  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #1: "Adverbs: It's All Within Your Reach!"  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #2: "Verb: It's what you do!"  
  
VERB COMMERCIAL GUY: Hey! Copycat! Plagiarizer!  
  
JAK: Quick! Start the Loudsilence song!  
  
(KOR starts playing his new Ludwig drum set)  
  
JAK: Words! Words!  
  
BOY: We need our--  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #1: Words!  
  
JAK: They need to bind our throats--  
  
BOY: Like all these--  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #2: Girds!  
  
JAK: They need to flow out of our mouths--  
  
BOY: In--  
  
KRIMZON GUARDS #1 and #2: Many herds!  
  
JAK: Words! Words! Now! Sound off!  
  
BOY: One! Two!  
  
JAK: Sound off!  
  
KRIMZON GUARDS #1 and #2: Three four!  
  
JAK: Bring it on down!  
  
ALL: One, two, three, four! ONE TWO...THREE FOUR!  
  
AREY: Nice show! I give it an A plus! Now on to Broadway!  
  
WELLS: Fine! I might give you lines in the collector's edition or something if you JUST get BACK to WORK!  
  
(AREY embraces WELLS)  
  
AREY: Scary!  
  
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((MEETING TORN: TAKE ONE))  
  
[ We see JAK and DAXTER in some old alleyway in the slums after fighting off all these Krimzon guards. They are about to enter a secret area when a red-haired dude with gray markings all over his face and a blond girl pop out of nowhere. ]  
  
DAXTER: Woah! That girl looks like she came out of Lord of the Rings!  
  
(JAK and RED-HAIRED DUDE roll their eyes)  
  
DAXTER: Wasn't it cool when that guy went, "No man can defeat me!" and then she took off her mask and was like... "I'm not a man!" That was bloody awesome, huh?! HUH HUH HUH!?! And then she took that sword and--  
  
WELLS: DAXTER! Three things! Shut! The Hell! Up!  
  
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KGC: Okay, I'll probably continue tomorrow, or whenever I get in the mood. Tell me how you like it. Sorry for the crude humor, but as Baron Praxis said:  
  
PRAXIS: Sorry, I couldn't resist!  
  
KGC: Okay, goodnight! Please don't report me again like last time. O.o 


	2. Banners, Body Casts, and Horrifying Memo...

WELLS: Okay, for tonight, I resolve not to be so aggressive.  
  
AREY: Good luck.  
  
(WELLS glares his patented death-glare at AREY)  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
((GETTING THE BANNER: TAKE ONE))  
  
[ The camera fades in to a dead, barren, gray city ruin. It pans over to a clock tower, which looks as if it could fall any second. ]  
  
(JAK grabs the flag off of the top of Dead Town's clock tower, when the ground starts shaking and the tower starts to collapse. The two friends fall)  
  
DAXTER: WHHHAAAAAAA!!!  
  
(JAK lands on a fabric shelter and bounces off)  
  
AREY: Wow, it looks like things will actually go right for once.  
  
(DAXTER lands on the same sheet and falls through)  
  
DAXTER: AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!--UGH!  
  
WELLS: CUT!!  
  
((GETTING THE BANNER: TAKE TWO))  
  
(JAK grabs the flag off of Dead Town's clock tower...blah blah blah)  
  
DAXTER: WHHHAAAAAAA!!!  
  
(JAK lands on a fabric shelter and bounces off. DAXTER does the same)  
  
DAXTER: WHHOOAAAA!!  
  
(JAK flies through the air, and then SMACKS into a house)  
  
JAK: UNNNNNNNNNGH!!!  
  
AREY: Ouch, that's gotta hurt.  
  
(WELLS backhands AREY)  
  
WELLS: CUT. God, you guys are so stupid!  
  
DAXTER: *Mumbles: I wouldn't be talking.*  
  
WELLS: What did you say?!  
  
DAXTER: I said uh...er... Gotta split!  
  
(DAXTER runs away)  
  
((GETTING THE BANNER: TAKE TWENTY))  
  
[ The camera gets a behind-the-scenes look at JAK and DAXTER, all in body casts and crutches. ]  
  
KEIRA: There. It might take a couple of weeks to heal, but you'll be okay.  
  
(KEIRA pats DAXTER'S leg)  
  
DAXTER: YEEEEEOWCH!!  
  
KEIRA: ...  
  
WELLS: JAK! DAXTER! Up on stage now! We need to film the part with the rope!  
  
(JAK looks up at WELLS from lying down on a stretcher, immobile from the casts)  
  
JAK: Mmmmph! Mmm ermmm mmph!  
  
WELLS: You say you can't do anything? Well, isn't that sad...  
  
DAXTER: I know, ain't it?  
  
WELLS: Get the HELL on stage, NOW!  
  
(Five minutes later, we see some Krimzon Gaurds helping JAK and DAXTER stand up on the set)  
  
JAK: Mph! Mmmph!  
  
KRIMZON GUARD #1: You're welcome!  
  
(He walks away)  
  
WELLS: Okay everyone, quiet on the set!  
  
AREY: How are you going to make it look like they are in their regular clothes?  
  
WELLS: Computer animation. NOW ACTION!  
  
(AREY snaps the taped-up director's snappy thing)  
  
(JAK tries to grab the banner, but since his hands are wrapped up in casting, he just sits there)  
  
WELLS: Um, PRAXIS...  
  
(PRAXIS walks up on stage, smiles at JAK, grabbing the banner. He then drives it through JAK'S wrappings and castings, and maybe even his hand. He then walks away)  
  
JAK: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
WELLS: Language, JAK.  
  
(The clock tower starts to collapse)  
  
AREY: Quick! Jump to the fabric thingy!  
  
(DAXTER makes a leap for it, but since JAK can't move, he just stands there)  
  
WELLS: Jump, you--  
  
(The STAGE CREW DUDE bleeps everything out. JAK ends up being crushed by some Styrofoam boulders)  
  
WELLS: JAK! YOU--  
  
(The STAGE CREW DUDE bleeps out more language)  
  
WELLS: --ING--  
  
= Bleep =  
  
WELLS: --EXCUSE FOR A GOD--  
  
= Bleep =  
  
= Bleep =  
  
WELLS: --I HOPE YOU DIE AND BURN IN--  
  
= Bleep =  
  
= Bleep =  
  
WELLS: --YOU MOTHER--  
  
= Bleep =  
  
= Bleep =  
  
= Bleep =  
  
= Bleep =  
  
WELLS: --AND YOU TOO, YOU PIECE OF--  
  
= Bleep =  
  
WELLS: --ING--  
  
= Bleep =  
  
= Bleep =  
  
WELLS: --OTSEL! AND STOP BLEEPING EVERY WORD I--  
  
= Bleep =  
  
(WELLS backhands the STAGE CREW DUDE)  
  
AREY: I'm getting outta here!  
  
((GETTING THE BANNER: TAKE THIRTY-THREE))  
  
AREY: Let's just go to the rope scene. That seems pretty safe, aye?  
  
DAXTER: Yeah... And it's not like I can get hurt any more than I already am.  
  
(DAXTER throws down his crutches and gets on the set...without JAK)  
  
AREY: Aaaaaaaaand, action!  
  
(DAXTER jumps off the building)  
  
DAXTER: WHHHAAAAAA!!!  
  
(He rebounds off a fabric shelter)  
  
AREY (Offstage): Hmmm...  
  
DAXTER: WHHOOOOAA!! Aw, man! I hate this part...  
  
(DAXTER is flying in the air, when he lands on a rope, crotch-first)  
  
DAXTER: UNNNGH!!  
  
(He falls off, and then lands a couple seconds later on his stomach, where JAK is supposed to be. TORN walks up and looks where JAK is supposed to be)  
  
TORN: Uh...yeah, I guess you guys are in.  
  
DAXTER: Wahoo! This is over! Hey, AREY, did you get that on tape?  
  
AREY: *Mumbling to himself: There seems to be a slight problem...* Uh, DAXTER, can you do the rope scene again? The camera wasn't working!  
  
DAXTER: Aaah! I'm gonna WRING your NECK!  
  
TORN: Let's just go the next scene...or something.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
((THE NEXT MISSION: TAKE ONE))  
  
[ The scene is the Underground, the anti-Praxis organization thing which TORN is in charge of. We see JAK and DAXTER walking back in from Dead Town. ]  
  
DAXTER: Whew! Being a big hero sure makes ya thirsty!  
  
(DAXTER walks over to a gear behind TORN and turns it, putting his mouth up to the nozzle)  
  
DAXTER: Wait! Do I have to do this?  
  
WELLS (Offstage): Just drink the stupid "water"!  
  
(DAXTER ends up drinking some mud and spitting it back out)  
  
TORN: The Baron turned off all the water to the slums. He's willing to sacrifice innocent lives--  
  
DAXTER: AAAARGH! Why didn't you tell me BEFORE, you LONG-EARED, RING- TAILED...DOOFUS!!! Now I have a mouth full of mud, JUST because you never say ANYTHING! I'm gonna KILL the WRITERS.  
  
(TORN is taken aback)  
  
WELLS: CUT!!  
  
((THE NEXT MISSION: TAKE TWO))  
  
TORN: ...The Baron turned off all the water to the slums. He's willing to sacrifice innocent lives to destroy the Underground. I shouldn't be surprised. I've seen his evil before while serving in the Krimzon Guard. That's why I quit.  
  
JAK: You were a Krimzon Guard? Oh, that explains your...charming sense of humor.  
  
TORN: My friend in the Guard tells me the valve to turn the water back on is located outside the city...at the Pumping Station.  
  
(JAK thinks of PRAXIS)  
  
JAK: Ew.  
  
(TORN looks at JAK)  
  
JAK: ...Um, er... Outside the city? What about the security walls?  
  
DAXTER: What about the METAL HEADS? It ain't know pettin' zoo out there... Peeps be gettin' deep-sixed!  
  
TORN: Find the large drain pipe in the North Wall. It'll take you outside the city to the Pumping Station.  
  
JAK: Ew...  
  
(TORN grabs his scimitar and puts it JAK's throat)  
  
TORN: Will you CUT that OUT!?  
  
DAXTER: ...  
  
TORN: Now, get to the main valve and turn it on. If you survive, the slums will be indebted to you. If not, maybe we'll have a touching moment of silence in your honor.  
  
DAXTER: I'd like to give him a 'touching moment'.  
  
JAK: That's it, I'm getting away from y'all RIGHT NOW.  
  
(JAK walks away towards his trailer)  
  
WELLS: JAK! Come back right now you... Aw, cut!  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Here you go! Sorry if it's not as funny as chapter UNO. And sorry it took me like, a week to continue. I couldn't think of anything. I'll continue soon again. *Yawns because she is so tired* Thanks for the reviews! :D 


End file.
